Food is the most widely used anxiety drug..

Food glorious food...

It didn't start well for me as I was too young to understand my predicament and too innocent to navigate the emotions I was feeling inside, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, so I turned to the only thing that I knew for protection - the fridge.

Mr fridge provided comfort and protection from pain, it started seemingly innocent but it became my ‘easy button’ when the fear of the unknown took over me and the first thing on the fantasy ferris wheel was food. I could eat way more than the average bear and I often fantasised about my next meal while currently eating the one I was inhaling. I didn't know then but food became my electric blanket it wrapped me up warm and snuggled me tight. So much so, I had a spare tire and ghetto booty as far as the eye could see. I popped in all the wrong places and I attracted 'no fine fellas' just unwanted faces. I seldomly left anything on my plate and was taught from a very young age from a family of big ghetto booty's that leaving food on one's plate was simply poor manners so ‘clean it up corrine’ became my middle name. But as life felt like it was spiralling out of my control, so was the size of my clothes and the fatness in my face. My nick name in kindy was cabbage patch kid and I was teased and bullied and by the age of 8 my new name around town was ‘beached whale’. Fuck that hurt not only did I feel abandoned by my dad and mum now I had to vote myself off the island as there wasn’t room for an overeating beached whale anywhere and so I eventually abandoned myself. 

These limiting beliefs have carried me from baby to baby mumma. They move me away from my centre, keep me obese with my toxic relationship with the way I look and feel and show a dulled down shade of the rainbow in me. Self loathing has always been part of my DNA and driven me to dark places, I never felt right but the more capes you put on for super hero protection keep me living in the darkness of my past. Food issues has been a cape I have worn my entire life and I add it too my long list of heavy burdens and so off I go eating my way out of problems until my size 16 formal dress doesn't go half way up my back and has to be let out by a seamstress with extra material just to barley breathe myself through the corset and the night but then comes graduation and turning 18 and after umpteenth times failing at weight watchers and jenny craig on I go to find a new way to self medicate, a new cape to mask my feelings, hello alcohol move over food, hello diet pills move over food, hello starvation, move over food.. hello hospital admissions, hello hell. 

Are you a judgement junkie?

Think Real Housewives... do you have an alter ego of inner bitch that likes to scream down to others in her 6 inch red stilettos more than you care to admit?

Do you get off making others feel less than what you think you are.. drive a faster car, own a better house, wear nicer clothes?

Where do you judge and why aren't we all loving thy neighbour? I mean it's so easy these days, social interaction almost depends on it..

Did you hear about silly-sally-sassy-pants who got off her titties at a party and made out with all the boys behind the shed or the guy with the small penis from your less than admirable one night stand the night before...  Not to mention judgement of your family for everything they are not and all that they made you become or the girl at work not pulling off the latest trend of peach pastels this season or was it the length of your managers hemmed skirt that revealed a little too much leg in the fortnightly board meeting.

What about self judgement - it infiltrates the way you feel and sends you into body dysmorphia of epic proportions. Judging the way you feel you should  look amongst a bevie of beautiful babes at this weeks latest hot spot. 

Whatever + wherever judgement is at the forefront of society more than we like to admit.  It can feel almost exuberant to have a bitch with your bestie about how unfortunate some people may seem but deep down you have to question how does it really make you feel?

Because what you project out you ultimately get back ten fold. It's the law of attraction working + weaving her karma from behind double glazed glass doors as we all loudly sing the line of JT's old smash "What goes around comes around".

SO how can you release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life without the resting bitch face?

Your ING or 'inner guidance goddess' as I like to call her is always tapping away on the inside of your core helping you to love yourself so you can ultimately love others. To make decisions from a loving heart space as opposed to a fear based decision and to stop you from being a SOB to anyone that walks your path.

Social media has a huge price to pay for the keyboard trolls that venomously judge anyone with a pulse and even some who no longer have a pulse -(RIP) to defend themselves. Its a big bad world we live in at times. 

Reality TV (albeit my guilty pleasure when I have successive brain zaps) makes serious coin by putting a bunch of crazies in a house and allowing them to judge the absolute shit out of each other until they end up pulling out hair extensions and starting a rampage with fisty cuffs. 

Check yourself, before you wreck yourself I say...  I wrecked myself for majority of my adult life there is no denying that! No filter and saying things without speaking. I am not going to say it still doesn't happen and I often go into critical self judgement but you own it, fess up and say sorry. End of. Then I go about my day trying to find a better feeling thought every time a judgmental one creeps on in and scratches the shit out of a hard to reach spot on your back.

What's the alternative? becoming a cranky bitch with the perception that everyone is flawed? Is it that you are so envious and resentful of the happiness others may have, that it evokes feelings that you end up judging them?

I choose to leave my native motherland in Sydney and start a fresh afar because I felt like a lone wolf in the deserted winter snow. I let the judgement of others determine how I felt about myself.

Because when you truly honour yourself you honour others.

I feel confident that everything is as it should be.  I feel sensitive to the needs of myself and my children and I feel a sense of certainty in the pit of my stomach. It’s often when I know my heart space is shining ever so bright.  

So I ask you - what area of yourself do you need to soften, to drop the mask and to stop your critical mind? 

I am constantly running an inner monologue in my head on subjects like worthiness, appropriateness, self love, not feeling weak in receiving and not feeling fake in giving to others in anyway I can. People will run when you show them love, its like your talking chinese but if it makes you feel your highest good it will eventually do the same for them, one honest and genuine compliment at a time. 

As we work on ourselves, we work on our love for others because all judgement does is give you a judgement hangover and wrinkles in your frown lines so go on a judgement detox this week, love yourself first and the rest will follow I promise.

My reasons for creating The Loved Heart..

Corrine Lee here.  

My happy place are the simplest of things. My children’s pressed lips against mine, their arms around me wrapped so tight. A sultry breeze, the smell of lavender on my pillow, purple + peach sunsets,  deep connections, love quotes, chakra cleansing, words that stir up the beating of my heart, an unbridled wild stallion galloping its heavy hooves into the ground, horses are the essence of beauty & free spirit. The ocean, it’s serene brutality and the sexyness of salty wet hair, the humble, honest & real, the unapologetically authentic, the uncontrollable laughs of my tickly bambinos, long chats with my soul sisters over champagne, cheese and wine. Silence + alone time, chasing rainbows, a stamped passport fresh with ink of faraway places, spirituality, a kindred heart.

I have always known I was here to connect. Connection is the deepest part of me. I am sensitive beyond words and have a fathomless level of empathy for the human experience.

Not long after my first baby was born, I went through an insanely challenging time but this was nothing compared to the pre-natal depression I experienced whilst pregnant, a stigma no one really discusses. I had this with all 3 pregnancies and have suffered debilitating mental illness since my teens. I knew that 'deep down' this angst was from my wounded inner child that desperately needed healing.

So off I went to chase the rainbow I always dreamed of finding, but never quite knew how to search for.  I decided to get real (after having my babies) so instead of looking for the answers externally, I decided to go internally.

 Today I practice meditation, self inquiry and letting the love of my spirit guides pave the way. I have learned to try to live in the moment.

I have since become a qualified Energy Healer & Crystal Healing Practitioner but know I will be a spiritual student for life. Being a spirit junkie is my healthiest addiction thus far.

I believe I was put on this earth to help women show their vulnerability to the world instead of shy away from their light.  Some of the toughest times spoken out loud help you become the epitome of strength. 

My life, in it’s most authentic form is one big vulnerability hangover. I have to gently remind myself to be patient towards all that is unresolved in my heart. I often loose the battle but still stand to fight the war.