When I was a little girl, I dreamed that everything would come easy, that I would make a wish in my wishing well of dreams and all of the good in the world would come flowing in like a flooded day dream. But now I am not so little, those big girl pants aren't as dreamy as my naked baby bum and its time to get big girl real.
My wildlings will be proud of who their mother is now and what she will become. May I always make them believe that they can be anything they want to be and I will be everything I can be to them.
May I never stop learning and growing into the woman I know I can be. A leader, a talent, a driven and respected soul with so much happiness it infects the frequencies of all she touches.
All my life I have struggled with the idea of feeling ‘normal’ and I knew that something just wasn't right. Why I ever doubted this was a crazy notion in itself, considering my abusive childhood. I was deeply wounded and no substance was going to fix it. A 10 year lesson to learn and at times, one I fall back on.
At age 18 I was diagnosed with severe depression & anxiety, although I know I had it from a very early age - as my struggles with food & using it for protection started as soon as dad left. For the next 12 years, I was in and out of hospital due to almost overdosing on drugs and alcohol, depression, an addiction to laxatives & weight loss pills and a very dangerous relationship with food.
For most of this time I was unable to function, would be a total mess for work and I felt a sense of abandonment and loneliness so strong that I didn't care if I lived or died. I just wanted to feel loved and looking back now, I realise the only person to take that loneliness away was me.
At the age of 24, I all but ran away from my troubled and hugely dysfunctional family. I always had that sense of adventure and was a very fun, free spirited girl deep down, my circumstances affected that but I knew I always wanted to fly high.
See you later Sydney, hello London town. This was it I went and spent 3 years in London, 1 year in Canada and a further year in South America, Central America and the USA. Id love to say it was a spiritual experience but it was 5 years of partying TOO hard. I had so much fun and wouldn't change it but I was still lost, still lonely and still looking for love.
Fast forward 7 years and 3 bubbas later I can tell you that they are the angels that have saved me. I have spent my whole life trying to please others and make people like me, it never worked, not for a single day so I decided the only way to live is to heal my inner child for my own children’s happiness. I am not going to be an outcome of my parents mistakes, I am going to break the cycle, I am going to be authentically me, share the good, the dark & the light.
So here I am, in all my rawness, a shining star, a diamond in the rough.
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
